When things go wrong - how best to manage relationships
With over 30 years of helping others to mend broken relationships, James Haworth, Director of Family Law at Lawson-West Solicitors in Leicestershire, provides his five Top Tips for how best to manage emotional relationships during divorce and separation.
When things go wrong…
Top tip #1
Keep talking – when your relationship has broken down
Fostering a culture of bitterness is resoundingly damaging
Keep talking, but let it be amicable and avoid heated discussions and resentful arguments which do not help your long-term situation. Fostering a culture of bitterness is undoubtedly damaging and bad feelings created now could last for months, years or even a lifetime. Think about ways to keep things civil between you and you will be much more likely to be able to achieve a quick and beneficial resolution. If you cannot stand to be in the same room together, think about writing things down to share by letter or email, set out the facts and although it is tempting, try not to be hostile to the other person in any communication between you.
Top tip #2
Protect the kids – don’t use them as an emotional pawn
Children have emotions about the break-up and find it hard dealing with their own feelings
Try not to expose the children to the adult issues surrounding the separation. Do not discuss matters with them or use them as a negotiating tool for financial gain. Such behaviour is heavily condemned by the Courts and only serves to heighten tension. Remember that you will need to maintain a future relationship as a parent, with your former partner or spouse. Remember too that children are vulnerable during family disputes. They will have emotions about the break-up and may find it hard dealing with their own feelings.
Top tip #3
Introduce an independent person - mediation can help
A mediator is a neutral third-party with experience to help people overcome relationship issues
When amicable discussion is difficult, it may be beneficial to attend a session or sessions of mediation. A mediator is an independent third-party with experience to help people overcome relationship issues. They can help you reach an agreement that you might not be able to do on your own by enabling discussions between you. The mediator is impartial and will not tell you what to do or give advice. Their role is not to try to help effect reconciliation but to help both parties work out a resolution.
Top tip #4
Choose a Resolution member lawyer
They follow a code of practice that gets results
If you cannot talk with each other, let the solicitors do that as they will not have the emotional attachment. Choose a solicitor who is a member of Resolution, the national association of Family law specialists.
Discuss the issues from a position of knowledge not emotion - take separate independent legal advice early on to find out general information about the separationprocess or how financial matters or children issues are dealt with.
Why choose a Resolution member?
Resolution members follow a Code of Practice that promotes a constructive approach to family issues and considers the needs of the whole family, in particular the best interests of children.
Top tip #5
Keep the end in sight - it can be a long process
Remember the principle: the more you argue; the longer it takes
Always remember that the end is in sight and that once the issues of separationhave been resolved you will be able to start afresh. Divorce and the other issues arising from separationcan appear to be a never-ending process, however, the more you can agree by consent with your spouse or partner (preferably with legal assistance and advice so that the negotiations are fair and just) the better it will be for all concerned. Remember the principle: the more you argue; the longer it takes and the more expensive it is, both financially and psychologically.
Close or Family relationships are rarely easy, but you can trust Lawson-West to provide you with a caring, personal and confidential service, looking at all the options and solutions open to you for an informed view. At Lawson-West, we have over 40 years’ experience dealing with relationship breakdowns, helping couples and families to overcome broken relationships to find resolution.
If you would like help or advice now, or at any stage in the future, please contact us and arrange an initial no-obligation discussion with a member ofour family team.
Contact xxx by calling 0116 212 10xx or email xxx@lawson-west.co.uk, quoting FAM5.
