Month: November 2019

Christmas contact arrangements for separated parents

The Festive Period can be a difficult time for separated parents. Unless Christmas contact has previously been arranged, either by way of agreement between the parties, or by a Court Order, then the parents will need to try and make the arrangements between themselves.

Contact arrangements during the festive season can often be the cause of a lot of conflict in separated families. Even when there has been a previous Court order, often that order will not address what is to happen over the Christmas and New Year period.

One of the most frequently asked questions is how to share the time over the Christmas period. Some people are of the view that it is better for children to spend one week with their Mum and the other with their Dad, some view that the arrangements should be made day-to-day, or even a sharing of Christmas day. Sadly there is no right or wrong answer. All days over the Christmas period can have their own significance, which could be hard for any parent to miss out on. Always remember that it is “the best interests of the children” that should be at the forefront of your mind whilst making contact arrangements

Think about the children

It is important you focus on the impact of any contact arrangements that are made on your children during the festive period. Think about how and what arrangements your children would want. This is the approach the Court will adopt at Lawson West we would encourage parents to consider this first and foremost when making arrangements for their children.

Sharing Christmas Day

Consider whether sharing Christmas Day is appropriate. For younger children especially it may be more appropriate for one parent to have the children on Christmas Day, and the other parent to have them on Boxing Day. That way, the children can essentially have two Christmases. It means that they are not being rushed away from one parent’s home part way through the day when they are quite settled, happy playing with new toys etc. This could then be switched the following year, so that the parent who has the children on Christmas Day this year, will have them on Boxing Day next year, and vice versa. When children are young there are many more Christmases to come in the future.

If you live close together then it may be practical for the day to be shared, so the children have the experience of celebrating with both parents. If you live further away from each other then this approach may not be practical and may cause too much disruption for the children.

Consider whether any previously organised and routine contact will need to be modified in the run up to Christmas Day. Children may have Christmas parties and Christmas events that they may wish to attend or want to see other family members who live some distance away and who they may not be seeing at Christmas time.

What is appropriate, or reasonable, will vary from case to case,
and will depend on the individual circumstances.

Communicate without emotive language

Many separated parents find it difficult or uncomfortable to discuss arrangements for their children, especially at Christmas, which is undoubtedly a busy and stressful period. Try and focus on the issue at hand – communicate via e-mail if face-to-face conversations are difficult. This will give you the opportunity to remove any emotive language and focus on the issues that need to be resolved.

Focus on the future

If you are newly separated, it may be a daunting thought not waking up with your children on Christmas Day. Try not to think about this year but think about the Christmas contact arrangements moving forward. If your children are young then there are going to be plenty of Christmas’ for you to enjoy with them. It may be worth considering proposing that the children have the opportunity to wake up with each of their parents on alternating years.

Stick to the timings agreed

Time is an important factor during Christmas and can be a catalyst for arguments if not respected. Ensure you turn up on time so the children move from one parent to the other without having to wait around. Try to agree well in advance who should be responsible for drop-off and collection. Depending on the ages of the children, it may be appropriate to ensure the children know what is happening and when.

Compromise

Finally, be prepared to compromise. Divorce and separation regularly causes reasonable, sensible people to behave in a way that is out of character. Compromise allows you to both have ownership of the arrangements and is far more likely to be better for your children.

How to Contact Us

If you cannot reach an agreement with your ex partner regarding Christmas contact, then contact us.

You do not want to be in Court on Christmas Eve trying to get a last minute Contact Order. The sooner the arrangements are made the sooner you can relax and enjoy the build up to Christmas.
Christmas is traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate – but it can be heartbreaking for separated parents and their children.

We’re here to help and advise you and help you through the personal problems you face. You can rely on our experience, expertise and emotional support to put you on the right course of action, a path that’s totally right for you.

Get in touch today. We want to help.

 

With offices in Leicester and Market Harborough you can arrange an initial meeting with us to find out how we can help you with Parental Contact, Collaborative Law, Divorce or Separation.

Call 0116 212 1000  for our Leicester Office,  01858 445 480 for our Market Harborough Office or 0116 212 1080 for our Wigston Office. Whichever office you call, someone will be available to assist you. 

Useful links:

20 Common Misconceptions about Family Breakdown

Latest Divorce Statistics

Spending time together and with families during the Christmas holidays can put pressure on failing relationships and expose their fault lines. Christmas holidays and time off from work adds immense pressure on difficult relationships that have had problems for some time. Somehow the regular routine of school runs and going to and from work can minimise the chance for problems to fester and only when the Christmas break comes along, do unhappy couples come face-to-face with the problems underlying their relationship.

It is all too common for people to say “let’s stick it out for the kid’s sake” or “let’s have one last try over Christmas and see how we get on”, or even, “let’s have a fresh start in the New Year”.

FOR EMPLOYERS: 
 
What can employers do to help employees with relationship issues?

After Christmas, employees not only have to deal with this on a personal level, they also have to come into work and continue to act professionally despite the emotional turmoil going on in their head.

 

As a boss you walk in and find your employee/colleague upset, human natures dictates that we ask why they are upset. We recognise that an employee’s divorce is a business issue and employers should be aware:

Keep communication open

• Be supportive, continue to keep talking to the employee and provide emotional support

• Ask them if they want to talk about it

• Ask them if there are ways you can help them in their job at this time

• Consider providing support for some of their tasks if they are clearly not coping.

Recognise their performance may suffer

• When a couple is separating, that’s a personal problem they can’t ignore. They do not leave their separation at the office or factory door. They carry it around, like a ton weight on their shoulders. As there personal life is in tatters, they can struggle at work, they can get upset, irritable and distracted and they might need comforting, they might make mistakes or need time off work for doctor appointment or a counsellor to cope with what is happening.

Suggest Collaborative Law

• As a caring Boss, if you witness your valued colleague getting sucked into a nasty family dispute, you can help them by suggesting they seek the advice of a trained Collaborative Lawyer, so they can get impartial relationship advice that’s right for their situation.

Recognise that for employees divorce is hard

• Maintaining a high level of work performance through the long and often devastating process is even more difficult. However with the right advice and support these emotionally trying times don’t need to drastically affect work performance or careers in the long run.

These few simple steps mean employers can be better at caring and supporting employees through difficult times.

FOR EMPLOYEES:  

What can I do to help my relationship problems?

Emma Piff says – “You don’t have to face a nasty divorce”

“I often see couples falling straight into the divorce process without considering other options first.

As a form of mediation, Collaborative Law provides a process for disputing couples and families to work together, to discuss the issues and collaborate with the help of lawyers around a table.

You talk politely on first name terms, you work on your problems together with benefit of your own lawyer for support and advice. As you and your ex-partner discuss matters and reach the answers more quickly, you might even save money rather than paying for a protracted divorce and avoid lots of traumatic stress.

Collaborative lawyers do not have a magic wand to make relationship issues go away, nor can we guarantee happiness, but we can help couples to mitigate some of the worst effects of a poor relationship getting nasty and going wrong.

If you get into a into a nasty relationship conflict, you can waste a lot of time, money and energy arguing over everything in a divorce court which will prolong the dispute and prolong being able to move on with your life. The Collaborative Law route can help.”

If you would like to find out more about Collaborative Law principles and how it works, please get in touch.

How to Contact Us

If you do need to talk through your personal relationship circumstances with someone who’s completely independent and unbiased, please do talk to us. We’re here to help and advise you and help you through the personal problems you face. You can rely on our experience, expertise and emotional support to put you on the right course of action, a path that’s totally right for you.

Get in touch today. We want to help.

 

Emma Piff, Family Solicitor, Lawson West Solicitors

With offices in Leicester, Market Harborough and Wigston you can arrange an initial meeting with us to find out how we can help you with Collaborative Law, Divorce or Separation.

Call 0116 212 1000  for our Leicester Office,  01858 445 480 for our Market Harborough Office or 0116 212 1080 for our Wigston Office. Whichever office you call, someone will be available to assist you. 

Useful links:

20 Common Misconceptions about Family Breakdown

Latest Divorce Statistics

 

With 60% of opposite-sex marriages ending in divorce before the 20th wedding anniversary and second-time-around marriages much less likely to fail, it appears that opposite-sex marriage is far more likely to succeed second-time-around, especially after the age of 49 for men and 44 for women.

Since the introduction of same-sex marriage in 2014, there has been a significant fall in the number of civil partnerships being formed due to same sex couples being more likely now to opt for a marriage instead.

Many people believe divorce rates have increased in recent years. In fact, divorce rates are at their lowest levels in over 40 years and the divorce rate seems to be continuing to fall.

Here are some of the most recent facts from the Office for National Statistics:

How many marriages end in divorce?

• 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce

• 102,007 couples divorced in 2017 

• Of divorcing couples: 99.66% were opposite-sex couples and 0.34% were same-sex couples

• Opposite-sex divorces fell 4.9% in 2017 compared to 2016

• The number of same-sex divorces more than tripled (although this is to be expected since same-sex marriage was only legalised in 2014)

• Overall, there has been a fall in the percentage of marriages ending in divorce since 2000, thought to be because people are tending to get married when they are older and have already cohabited.

When is a divorce most likely?

• The divorce rate for opposite sex couples is highest for men aged 45-49 and women aged 40-44

• This likely reflects that fact that men tend on average to marry younger women

• 60% of opposite-sex marriages end before the 20th wedding anniversary

• The average (median) length of marriage at the time of divorce being 12.2 years for opposite sex couples.

How often do second marriages end in divorce?

• People who have been married before are much less likely to get divorced if they marry again

• 59% of divorces involve partners in a first marriage

• 18% have one partner who has previously been divorced

• 8% of divorces have both partners having been married before.

Current trends in divorce

• 62% of divorces between opposite-sex couples are initiated by the wife

• 74% of same-sex divorces in 2017 were for female couples.

Civil partnership dissolutions

• 1,217 civil partnership dissolutions were granted in 2017, which is a 53% increase compared to figures from 2012, five years earlier

• Since the introduction of same-sex marriage in 2014, there has been a significant fall in the number of civil partnerships being formed

• Same sex couples are more likely now to opt for a marriage instead.

Why do people get divorced?

• The most commonly reason cited when people petition for divorce is “unreasonable behaviour”

• 83% of wives petitioning for divorce and 73% of husbands initiating proceedings was on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour

• Unreasonable behaviour covers a wide range of things, from lack of emotional support or a sexual relationship, to refusing to contribute financially and more serious actions, such as domestic abuse

• Other potential reasons or grounds for divorce include adultery, desertion, the couple have been separated for 2 years and both people consent, or 5 years separation if one party will not consent

• One explanation for why unreasonable behaviour is so commonly used is because it can allow people to get divorced quickly

• All other options (except adultery) require you to wait before you can legally end your marriage

• Because there is no such thing as a “no fault” divorce in the UK, couples need to prove their marriage has broken down and place blame in order to move forward

• Unless one of the parties is willing to admit to adultery, one or both of the married couple agreeing to unreasonable behaviour is often the simplest, fastest way to end a marriage.

Why is the divorce rate falling?

There is no way to know for certain:-

• One common theory is that because more people are cohabiting before getting married, they have a better idea of whether marriage will work for them, before committing to tie the knot.

• Another possible reason is that many people are getting married when they are older, meaning they are more mature and have more relationship experience. This may leave people more likely to make better choices about whom to marry and know how to handle any conflict within a marriage better.

• One thing to bear in mind, however, is that these statistics only include people who are married or in civil partnerships. There are no official figures for the number of cohabiting couples who separate and the fact that this is the fastest growing type of household in the UK likely plays a significant role in the falling rate of divorce.

Who collects divorce statistics for UK couples?

The Office for National Statistics collects divorce statistics based on information from the Courts and Tribunal Service recorded during the divorce process for each individual couple. These latest 2017 figures are for England and Wales and record both divorces and annulments (where the marriage was not legally valid in the first place).

Get expert legal advice for your divorce

We have many years of experience helping people to manage the end of their marriages and civil partnerships. We know how confusing, stressful and emotionally taxing divorce can be, as well as the concerns about children and finances that come with ending a relationship.

We can advise you on all aspects of getting divorced, help you to separate from your former partner as quickly and cost-effectively as possible, whilst minimising the potential for conflict.

Our family law team contains a number of experts in mediation and collaborative law who can help you to follow a non-confrontational approach to resolving your relationship issues wherever possible, minimising the emotional fallout and the risks of lasting acrimony between you and your former spouse. This can be especially important where you have children who you will need to continue co-parenting together.

However, where court action is the best or only option to pursue your divorce, we have the expertise and experience to put together the strongest possible case for you, to help ensure you get a fair settlement.

 

Useful links to help understand divorce and civil partnerships:

Office of National Statistics on Divorce

History of Divorce

Grounds for Divorce

What are the main divorce steps?

Citizens Advice & Divorce

Divorce Online