This year sees the 20th anniversary of the implementation of the Children Act 1989. Mischon de Reya have conducted research on the experiences of 2,000 people who had experienced divorce as a child in the last 20 years. Key findings were:-
• 19% of those surveyed felt they had been ‘used’ by their parents;
• 42% witnessed aggressive rows;
• 49% were forced to comfort a dying mother or father;
• 24% admitted they were forced by one parent to lie to the other;
• 15% were asked to spy on their mother or father.
The research suggests greater use should be made of parenting classes and supporting parents to co-parent after separation. It’s fair to point out that improvements have been made over the past 20 years as well, so the statistics should not be read with too much concern. However, it does highlight that children are affected by parental separation and should be supported.
Recently Sir Paul Coleridge, a High Court Judge, made a speech about family breakdown and lamenting the plight of children caught up in separation and divorce. Sir Paul Coleridge outlined his belief that marriage is the “gold standard”. Marriage can also protect children in situations where parents separate as the court has to be satisfied about arrangements for children before there can be a divorce. But, if cohabiting partners separate, there is no provision for ensuring that arrangements for the children have been made. This is why organisations such as Resolution (an association of Family Law Solicitors) and many family law solicitors have been calling for laws to offer cohabiting couples greater protection on separation so that any children affected can be helped as well. Both Janet Hopkins and James Haworth at Lawson-West are members of Resolution and James is on the Leicestershire Regional Committee.
However, another report for published by the University of California, “Are Both Parents Always Better than One? Parental Conflict and Young-Adult well-being”, suggests that parents should not stay together for the sake of the children. Children in high conflict marriages, where parents are arguing or not talking to each other, are no better off than children of single parents. The researchers, following up a sample of 13,000 children, conclude that “marriage is not a blanket prescription for the well-being of children, any more than it is for the well-being of adults. Recent policy initiatives to promote marriage need to take account of how variation within marriage relates to child well-being.”
This is something that Family Law solicitors at Lawson-West have long been aware of. Children do best when brought up within families where both parents have made a long term commitment to each other and bring their children up in a mostly-happy, supportive environment. It is not good for children to watch their parents argue frequently, live in a tense atmosphere or be used as messengers from one parent to another or continually listen to one parent complaining about the other and vice versa. Children brought up in these atmospheres can become anxious, worrying that their parents’ arguments are their fault, and become frightened to say anything in case it sparks another argument.
Managed well, separation is better for these children in the long term, than watching their parents continue to stay together “for the sake of the children”. Lawson-West recommend that any parents considering separating find a solicitor who is also a member of Resolution, an association of Family Law professionals, which aims to assist separating couples to reduce anxiety and expense. Lawson-West will always work to reduce contention and hostility to help families move on with minimum pain and trauma.
If you have any queries about separation or divorce and children, please contact James Haworth on 0116 212 1080 now or complete one of the on-line forms.
