Recent Gina Singh Case Highlights Marriage is a Partnership of Equals

The recent case of Gina Singh, successfully suing her former mother-in-law for damages, is an extreme illustration of attitudes which can be so damaging to relationships.

Here we have the 'senior' woman, exercising what she believes is her seniority over her daughter-in-law and laying down rules of living which would be unacceptable to any free citizen of this land. There was apparently no concept in the mind of the one that the other had any rights of freedom of action.


There are countless smaller illustrations of this kind of attitude that never reach the courts, the news or the papers. When a husband or wife feels that they are superior in some way to the other, it can become a habit to take on the roe of 'Senior Partner' or 'Managing Director' in the marriage and begin to disregard the other's feelings and opinions as being of less worth.


Janet Hopkins, of Lawson-West solicitors, has been dealing with marriage and relationship breakdown for many years. Reflecting on this court decision, she says,


"As a divorce lawyer, I have seen an enormous number of cases where the complaint set out in the petition for divorce is that the other side is controlling or domineering, and fails or refuses to take any account of what the other one feels about things.


"It could be something as fundamental as whether to have a family or not. That is a very deep need in some people of either gender, and to find yourself tied for life to partner who holds the opposite view can be very hard to take.


"Or it could be more socially based, one liking to keep in touch with family and
friends and the other not wanting to. When one person in a marriage flatly refuses to socialise, and even goes further in attempting to forbid the other to do so, that places an enormous strain on the relationship. The more socially-minded partner might feel
trapped, imprisoned and isolated.


"Financial control is another common source of trouble. If one of the people in the marriage feels that he or she should retain sole control of the family finances, the other will begin to feel humiliated at having to ask for anything they need to buy. This, too, can be dreadfully damaging to the relationship because of the failure to trust each other to deal rightly and fairly with the family income and outgoings.


"The nub of the matter is partnership. Marriage is a partnership of equals. If one of the couple tries to impose his or her rules and regulations on the other, this is a recipe for disaster for the marriage itself.

Isn't this where the Human Rights Act comes in? Doesn't each citizen have the right to expect his or her views and needs to be respected and considered by their 'other half', and their needs and concerns taken into account? We all have the right to vote for the government of our nation. Why should any of us be denied the right to express basic views about day-to-day living?


"People who feel down-trodden and under-valued will eventually rise, stand tall, and say to the world, "I am a person, too. I have the right to be heard and to pursue my own happiness." If that right continues to be ignored by their partner, how can the relationship survive?

"We live in a world of communication. Everyone seems to be on the phone to
somebody else most of the time. If not on the phone, we are e-mailing each other.


With so much communication going on, how is it that a couple cannot communicate
their thoughts and feelings to each other so that they can take consideration of the other's views and strengthen the bonds they had when they set up home together in the first place?"

Marriage is a partnership of equals.