Changing Trend Towards Fathers

There is a noticeable trend in the courts towards fathers having greater on-going involvement with their children after separation or divorce.

Whether this is in any way connected with the colourful activities of Fathers4Justice, by climbing onto palaces dressed as Batman and so on, I don’t know. But I have certainly seen a difference in the courts’ approach to this element of family breakdown.

There was a stereo-typical assumption that children live with mother and father pays maintenance. But many fathers were feeling very disappointed to find themselves reduced to ‘absent parents’ only able to see their children on alternate weekends. This is a huge emotional deprivation after having lived on a day-to-day basis in a family situation with all its noise, hassle, joys and sorrows.

Sadly, of course, emotion and pain get in the way of sensible thinking at times like these. That is where solicitors can help. We are not emotionally involved and can usually bring a more dispassionate approach to the practical problems families face. Far too often, one parent wants to hurt the other, and making difficulties about the arrangements for the children is an easy way to cause pain and anguish.

The effect of this kind of approach is to hurt the children themselves. Parents focused on hurting the other one often overlook this obvious fact. They try to convince themselves that ‘little Johnny’ doesn’t love the other parent and wants to stay permanently with one parent and forget the other one. This is almost never true.

Children must be allowed to love both parents, and not get involved with the loss of love between the parents themselves. In several cases recently I have managed to obtain shared residence orders for fathers so that they can be involved with their children’s lives just as much as their mother. One family has an order by which the child is collected from school by mother on Monday afternoon. She has him with her for the week and the weekend and then takes him to school on the following Monday. Father then collects him that Monday afternoon, and keeps him till the following Monday.

In another matter, the changeover day is Friday. It really doesn’t matter which day is chosen for the changeover. This kind of arrangement is absolutely even between the parents and the children can settle into the routine with ease.

I hope that the courts continue with this trend, because in many cases it can reduce, or even eliminate, on-going arguments about contact arrangements. Life can be planned with some degree of certainly as to where the children will be at any period of time. Reduction of on-going arguments is a very important target.